


He loves me, he loves me not

by mclennonmydear



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 11:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7572019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mclennonmydear/pseuds/mclennonmydear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto definitely did not find himself gay. He liked girls. Girls were nice. Smooth skin and perky breasts and smiles that could light up an entire room. And he liked Lisa, for Christ’s sake. Still, every time he caught Jack smirking at him, something tingled right beneath his stomach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He loves me, he loves me not

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Torchwood, nor are these my characters. Both belong to Russell T. Davies and the BBC

Ianto didn’t consider himself attractive. He thought of himself as smart, hard-working, and immaculately dressed, but not attractive. Everyday, he picked the most pristine suits and the flashiest ties he could find just to see who would mistake him for someone good-looking. Someone like Jack. God, Jack was lucky, with his strong arms and chiseled face. Ianto longed to look like Jack. More importantly, he longed to be with Jack.

In addition to not finding himself attractive, he definitely did not find himself gay. He liked girls. Girls were nice. Smooth skin and perky breasts and smiles that could light up an entire room. And he liked Lisa, for Christ’s sake. Still, every time he caught Jack smirking at him, something tingled right beneath his stomach.

 

Ianto’s suits were beginning to distract Jack. He was getting flirty. Jack was always flirty, but never with Ianto. At least not until now. Frequent remarks regarding his outfits and his body and even an arse grab on a lucky day. But that was just Jack being Jack, wasn’t it? Every time, Ianto dismissed the comments and touching with a reminder of the the consequences for office harassment.

 

He wasn’t sure what had happened. He had awoken and there was a mouth on his, desperate and needy and seemingly everywhere. He’d assumed it was CPR. Yeah, that was probably it. But it didn’t seem like CPR. Jack hadn’t been breathing air into his lungs. Jack had been kissing him, like he would never get the chance to again. But when he’d awoken, Jack was desperately shushing him like nothing had changed.

 

God, it was awkward. Every time someone on the team mentioned kissing or romance, their eyes would lock. Sometimes, they’d pry into Ianto’s love life.  _ Do you fancy anyone? _ or  _ Who was the last person you snogged? _ Jack would glance up at him, sometimes smirking, sometimes not. Jack knew. Ianto knew. Why couldn’t anyone else know? “Lisa.” he would always say softly.

They’d started having sex. It wasn’t because Jack particularly like Ianto, but it was because he was lonely. At least, that’s what Ianto assumed. And being the obedient little teaboy that he was, he was more than happy to comply. It wasn’t consistent, but after a really tough day, Ianto always anticipated Jack’s calling him into his office. It was kinky. Jack was kinky. And Ianto would occasionally come up with something sexy himself, but he left most of the creative processing to Jack.

It hadn’t a thing to do with the way Ianto looked, because that would be ridiculous. And Ianto told Jack to find a prostitute about two months into their shagging routine. Being with Jack like  _ that _ gave him too many hopeful feelings.

 

Jack had kissed him. Square on the mouth, with a hand in his hair. Jack had gone away and then came back (because he’s Jack that’s what Jack does). And he had kissed him. Jack had kissed him. And not in a desperate shagging way like before. It was all intimate and caring and made Ianto go weak at the knees.

But it must’ve not been that great, because now Jack was gone and Ianto was once again alone. Jack probably greeted everybody with a kiss. Ianto wasn’t special.

 

Jack was back. As in back from wherever he had run off to for the summer. Ianto had missed him. Ianto had missed him to the point where Jack’s memory had consumed his sleep nightly. And now Jack was back and wanted to go on a date. Or did he? Maybe he meant it sarcastically or maybe he was just curious to see what Ianto would say. And Ianto had fallen for it and now Jack knew that he liked him like  _ that _. They were never going to date. 

 

They had gone out on a date. At a posh restaurant and everything. And Jack had paid for their overpriced meal. Did that mean Jack was the masculine one in their relationship? Of course Jack was the masculine one. Did they even have a relationship?

Jack could have been lying when he told Ianto he’d had fun. In front of Ianto’s flat, with a dopey smile on his face. And then he’d kissed Ianto, briefly but sweetly. 

Maybe it was a pity date. God, Ianto really didn’t want it to be a pity date. He wanted to go out with Jack again. He wanted to bury himself in Jack. Was that stupid?

 

He had kissed Jack. He hadn’t meant to, but Jack was talking about love and staring right at him with these eyes that may or may not have been lustful. And Ianto decided to take a chance. 

And then they were snogging, teeth and tongue wet and everywhere. And somehow, Ianto had ended up in Jack’s lap and he could feel their erections brush briefly against each other. 

Jack had an erection. He had succeeded in making Jack hard. And through all the kissing and nose bumping, Ianto had felt himself smile.

 

Their kiss had been interrupted by more important matters, but later that night Jack was at Ianto’s door, causing Ianto to blush madly. He’d wished he’d bothered to brush his hair or tie his robe just a bit more tightly.

But soon the robe was off and his hair was mussed, and Jack lay beside him, out of breath but smirking. They’d done this before, but it felt new. It  _ was _ new. They had always done it in Jack’s dark bedroom, where intimacy lay far above ground. And it’d never been like this before, slow and delicate with gentle kisses and ghosting touches. 

Ianto had woken up the next morning feeling normal. He was in his flat, where he always slept, but… There was a body beside him. And then he’d remembered  _ oh god oh god oh god i’ve really fucked it up this time. _ But then he’d remembered who it was that had initiated the shagging. He turned towards the sleeping figure beside him. “I love you.” he'd whispered towards it, when he was positive it was asleep.

 

It wasn’t just the shagging Ianto enjoyed. It was the gentler, more domestic moments. Jack had started spending almost every night at Ianto’s flat; his stuff was scattered throughout as proof. Sometimes they didn’t make it home, and ended up falling asleep together in Jack’s bed, where their previous sexual exchanges has occurred. Jack usually stayed awake, tracing his fingers along Ianto’s features. But on the rare occasion that he did fall asleep, Ianto always made sure there was the wafting smell of breakfast to wake his lover.

No, it wasn’t the shagging. The sex was nice, but it was the side-by-side brushing of teeth. The few quiet nights where they would snuggle and watch telly. Jack lying in bed every morning, lazily watch Ianto dress. Jack stuffing takeaway into his mouth, eager to finish dinner and have a shag. Jack walking into the kitchen sleepily, full morning glory exposed for the world to see. Jack looking at him. Jack kissing him. Jack.

If Ianto hadn’t been in love before, he most certainly wasn’t now.

 

The others knew. Ianto wasn’t sure when they’d figured it out, but they knew. Owen made crude jokes about the irony of it all. Tosh always smiled when she saw them together. Gwen thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Sometimes, they were even public about it. A kiss on the cheek or romantic gesture that left the girls blushing, and Ianto loved every bit of it. 

 

They were a couple now. At least, according to Gwen. She thought they were the cutest together. Sometimes Jack would snog Ianto right in front of her just to make her giggle, but it usually ended in her quite rightly averting her eyes. Couple. Ianto liked the way it rolled of his tongue. It was a nice word. “I hate the word couple.” Jack had said one day. “Yeah.” Ianto had muttered, staring at his lap. “Me too.”

 

“Jack?” “Mm.” Ianto snuggled closer to his boyfriend. “Why do you like me?” “Cuz you’re pretty.” Jack yawned, eyelashes fluttering. “That’s not a good reason. Relationships shouldn’t depend on one’s looks. What if I get run over by a car and end up with a deformed face. And- and there’s plenty of people more attractive than me. For instance, I’d rate very low on the world’s scale of good looks. Sometimes I think I resemble Janet. There’s billions of better looking people on the planet. What if you meet one of them and like them better than me?”

“Ianto, you’re rambling.” Ianto humphed in reply. Jack smiled. “I don’t think there’s anyone prettier than you.” “I look like a whale.” “A really  _ cute _ whale.” “You wouldn’t shag a whale, no matter how cute you found him.” “I don’t think you know my sexual intentions as well as you think.” “I don’t want to be a whale.” “Then be a human. A shockingly handsome human.” “I’m fat and my face is mushy.” “I beg to differ.” 

“Why do you like me?” Ianto pressed. “Because you’re soft and sweet and you dress nice and make good coffee and always fall asleep in my arms during movies and because you have pretty eyes and a nice smile and you’re so incredibly adorable and sexy no matter how much you try to deny it and you’re always polite but sarcastic and because you put up with me and you’re funny and have this big heart that bulges out of your rib cage because it’s so full of kindness. And because you’re you, and I love it.”

“Oh.” “Hey, Yan?” “Huh?” “I love you.” “Okay.” “I feel hurt.”

Ianto turned towards Jack with a smile. “I love you too.”


End file.
